James

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Interview with kinkster James

“To be bound tightly for an extended period gives me focus: it sends me deep into that subspace where I feel most comfortable”

published on 30 August 2020

© James

Hello James, nice to have you here for this interview. What does submission mean to you?
Submission will mean different things to different people depending on where they feel comfortable, but to me it means handing over all control to another person, in both a mental and physical capacity. I like to be physically controlled through bondage: both heavy and long term. Being restrained immediately sets the scene and forms something of a foundation to build on. From there I like to steadily have more pieces of my freedom taken away – gags to stop me from talking, hoods to prevent me from seeing, earphones to prevent me from hearing or being forced to listen to white noise/porn. A chastity cage to stop me from taking pleasure from the situation. Full rubber enclosure/sleep sacks/mummification to remove any resemblance to my ‘human’ body. Continuing to build up the intensity, gas masks/breath control masks to control my breathing/intake are a very effective way for a top to take total control of me as a sub and send me deep into a submissive state.
This process is something of a transformation for me into something less human and more ‘object’. I become a tool, a thing to be used or even ignored. I take pleasure from a top using me in whatever way he sees fit. It is a form of short term ownership.

You mentioned that you like longterm-bondage: can you please describe how it feels to you when you’re in it?
Bondage forms the basis of defining the power exchange dynamic between a Dom and a sub. To me everything hinges around it: take away a sub’s ability to move and he is instantly at the mercy of others. Chastity is a form of bondage – a restriction of freedom.
To be bound tightly for an extended period gives me focus: it sends me deep into that subspace where I feel most comfortable. The tighter the bondage gets, the deeper I go. Add more layers, fully enclose me in rope, rubber, chains and I am completely at your mercy. It’s an incredible feeling. 
When my owner has me restrained I know he’s going to push me to my limits, inflict pain and ultimately make me beg for relief/escape, but he’s also going to take good care of me – he understands my body and my capabilities as a sub and he continues to help me become stronger in that role. In a session there may be tough, painful moments but they are offset by gentler, more caring moments. Again, it’s that balance of both a physical and mental connection that makes the relationship between a man and his sub something special.


@ bondagebaitTop
(on Recon / Xtube)

Can you describe, what fetish means to you?
It means an ever growing number of things to me. As recently as just a few years ago, fetish was just something on the other side of a computer screen that I knew I was deeply excited by, but had no idea of how to become part of it – nor did I expect that I ever would. My perception of fetish at this early stage was quite narrow (which is clear to me now with the benefit of hindsight) and was filtered through an ‘unrealistic’ porn video format – think two muscular guys wearing leather harnesses and chaps. Of course there’s nothing wrong with that but today I see how much more broad the fetish world really is, and it is platforms like Recon and Instagram that have allowed me understand what fetish means for me and also let it become part of who I am.
Fetish is freedom without judgement. It is realising deep rooted desires and intimate fantasies with like-minded people. Basically, it allows me to have fun in an intense sexual way but in a safe and respectful environment – that’s probably something that is a bit difficult to understand for those who are on the outside looking in. When I live out my fetishes I feel completely relaxed, free, happy, satisfied, safe, and part of something bigger.

Can you remember a situation when you discovered your fetish for the first time?
My first personal fetish experience was over Recon and it was also in the early days of hook up apps. It was a nerve wracking experience to visit a stranger’s house and be blindfolded, gagged and tied up. But it was a first step in helping me understand my fetish interests beyond porn. I’m a bit of an introvert in real life, and this spills over into my sexuality as a submissive person, so as I gained more experience of kinky scenarios the more I wanted to completely give up control in those situations (within pre-arranged limits). I’m still developing my interests, but they are all pinned around this notion of sacrificing/losing control – giving someone else total authority over me.

© James

What kind of conflicts did or do you have through your kink development?
I suppose the biggest conflict for me has been finding how to find a balance between my ‘normal’ (for want of a better word) life and my fetish side. As my kinky side has developed it’s taken a much bigger foothold in my life than I ever expected. I have a long term partner who is not so interested in kink and so it has taken a lot of communication to establish a balance that doesn’t diminish the important role he plays in my life. I am fortunate that he is happy for me to explore my kinks – communication and honesty really are the best policies! And this freedom has allowed me to commit a bigger part of myself to the fetish world – most recently this has taken the form of long term chastity.

How did you as a person change over the years while living out your fetish?
It has made me more sure of myself as a person, seeing that I am part of a much bigger community than I first realised. It has given me confidence to explore my fantasies and see just how broad the kink world is. I’ve also found new kinks along the way such as rubberwear. Fetish is still something that I enjoy with just a select few people, generally one-on-one, and so I am keen to become more involved in the wider scene – to start attending kink events to make new friends and feel part of something special. Fetish is centred around sex but there is more to it than that – and it’s important to express it.

@ ArgoVers
(on Recon)

Please explain the relation of your fetish to your sexuality? Does your fetish take place in your everyday-life?
It’s hard to know if there is a relationship between the fetish and sexuality. I have very early memories of playing ‘cops and robbers’ as a young boy, and I would always want to be the robber who would ultimately be tied up and thrown in jail (under the bed). As I grew older I continued to experiment with these feelings but unsure of what they meant. I even have memories of stripping down to speedos and rolling myself up in a rug in the attic to experience the sensation of being kidnapped/total immobility… At this stage I was still trying to understand my sexuality (I was something of a late bloomer) and the notion of fetishes wasn’t really on my radar. It’s hard to know if there’s a connection between the two, or if one informed the other, but I suspect not. 
Recently fetish has become a part of my daily life having committed to long term chastity.

You said being in chastity is highly important to you. Which effects does chastity has on you as a person?
Chastity takes that sense of short term ownership from a kink session and puts it permanently into my daily life. It’s subtle but the power transfer is effective, it is a constant reminder that I am under the control of my keyholder/owner. The longer I am kept in chastity the stronger our relationship gets – the best way I can describe it is that it feels like my owner has his hand permanently gripped around my cock, never letting go until he believes that I have earned it.
Chastity has become central to my definition of being submissive, in that I no longer have a say in how or when I get to orgasm – that decision is made by my owner and he controls the process, which makes the act so much more intense. This ties back into the theme of objectification, in that the process of cum control as a sub becomes more mechanical, with my desires taken out of the conversation entirely.

© James

Can you tell about one of the hottest experiences concerning fetish you had so far?
I think my current journey of ownership and chastity has to be my hottest experience – taking that sense of control and putting it into my daily life, 24 hours a day and seven days a week. Being caged is like being restrained in one never-ending kink session. And the fact that being caged gives a lot of pleasure to my keyholder also means a great deal to me. It is however a learning curve for both of us and our dynamic has developed into something pretty strong. The cage now feels like a part of me – totally natural, like I’ve found where I need to be.
At the end of the day kinks and fetish are just a bit of fun, a way for like minded people to come together and play out fantasies in an intense but consensual environment. It’s important to not lose sight of that. I feel very lucky that I have found guys out there like my owner who are just as interested in taking ownership and control as I am in giving it all up. Still lots more kinks to explore though! 

What means „having an owner“ to you?
Being owned is a relatively new status for me – it began earlier this year – it is quite a layered relationship and it continues to grow and develop. It didn’t happen overnight and it was only after knowing each other for a couple of years and growing to understand each other’s kinks that we agreed to pursue an ownership dynamic.
For us, the main element of ownership is to be permanently locked in chastity, and for him to hold the key. With limited experience in being caged this was quite daunting at the outset, but it’s now become second nature to us – the cage is a symbol of my ownership. He also controls other aspects of my life, including clothing, training and kink meets with other guys. And of course during sessions between the two of us.  
This power exchange is quite strong on its own as my erections and orgasms are strictly controlled/monitored, leaving me horny and frustrated for extended periods of time (and therefore willing to follow his orders). But I think the mental aspect is just as effective – in a strange way chastity has slowly changed the way I approach sexual gratification – knowing that I no longer have control over my own pleasure I instead put my focus into providing gratification for my owner, making sure I follow his orders to the best of my abilities and push myself in terms of what I can achieve in a kink environment (I’ll leave you to imagine what that might entail). It’s a sort of gratification in itself – pleasing him through my behaviour and attitude. His approval and satisfaction is more important to me now, and I get a huge kick out of knowing that he’s turned on and getting everything he wants out of an owned and caged sub.
On a less kinky note my owner and I have become close friends as a result. He may have me permanently locked but that doesn’t stop us from being able to socialise and be friendly with one another.

@ bondagebaitTop
(on Recon / Xtube)

You said you have a Partner and an Owner. Can you describe, how it works in this triangle situation, especially, when your’re locked and controlled by your Owner?
Both my partner and my owner know and accept the situation but the two worlds are, for now, kept separate. I am very fortunate to have a partner who is understanding and willing for me to pursue my kink life. It was difficult for me personally to find a balance between the two but somehow, and for some reason, these two men have given me a chance live out my sexual fantasies. I do feel selfish at times – sometimes feeling like I’m both having my cake and eating it – which is why it is important for me to be open with both of them about my kinks and fetishes for complete transparency. Honesty is really the best policy. For now it works and hopefully it will continue that way.
On top of that I’m doubly lucky to have a partner who is also happy for me to be permanently locked by someone else. I can’t quite explain why he feels this way other than his wish for me to be happy(!). I think my owner is pretty happy about this too… I guess we all are. He gets that I’m in a relationship, and he knows that I have a responsibility first and foremost to my partner. 
Despite all the kinks and fetishes there’s a lot of rationality going on behind the scenes, and I think that goes a long way into making this journey something so successful and special.

James, thanks for this interview!

Follow James on Instagram and on Recon

(Interviewer: Michael)

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