Kinkster Portrait – Rubbex

“I become someone else – or rather: something else”

Published on 3 October 2021

© Rubbex

Hello Rubbex, thanks for having you here for this interview. Can you describe how you feel when you are living out your fetishes and kinks?
Fetishism means an intense sensory and sensitive experience for me. A moment of deliverance where it is possible to satisfy my impulses without shame, without remorse or regret. As far as I’m concerned, I’m a latex fetishist, the light pressure on the whole body, the enhancement of the shapes, the softness of the latex which excites me and makes me want to bite … I know this has been said a lot of times: “latex is a second skin” for me. It covers and erases the imperfections of my body to leave room for a perfect and smooth uniformity, I feel the warmth of hands, the light breezes of wind and the brushing of lips. I leave my worries of everyday life behind once I put on that second skin, I become someone else – or rather: something else. I really like this dehumanization that it provides. The face is the main identity of a person, it is thanks to this that we can identify it, and that we can read its emotions and reactions. Covering the face hides all its information and the person becomes indecipherable, no longer knowing what he is thinking or feeling, it becomes a guessing game. Which always leaves room for doubt and surprise.

Can you describe early situations and how you felt when you discovered your fetishes and kinks for the first time?
The very first time I felt excitement was when I watched movies, and cartoons. I was still too young to understand and decipher these feelings. It was much later that I reproduced what I saw in the films, “the hero who finds himself attached”. And yes ! I buckled up on my own as best I could, out of sight of my family and stayed that way for a while, not touching myself, just relaxing to imagine such scenarios. Of course I had erections. My father was a handyman, he rode a bicycle, and a motorbike, so I’ll let you imagine the equipment … I tried on my father’s full leather motorcycle suit to stare at myself in the mirror late at night. I also tried on my dad’s spandex bike outfits, they turned me on! I also slept with a “shorty” wetsuit and since I had enough space, I put my arms in the wetsuit so that I was immobilized. Sometimes I tied myself in the cellar with heavy ropes. In the attic I continued to tie myself with a training belt to a pole. And I mummified certrain part of my body with scotch tape. As I lived in a small village, and the Internet was not so widespread in homes. I felt really isolated, alone, and even wondered if I was normal or not. Fortunately my father bought a computer. Always out of sight I typed very simple keywords like “attached”, “slave” but most of the time that referred me to history documentaries … There were still some discreet links that sent me to what I had come to seek. It was then that I found out that what turned me on was being practiced by a lot of other people, suddenly all of my negative feelings and thoughts that I had about my cravings were swept away with the back of my hand. was so happy to see this. I also learned that it had a name: “sado-maso”, “sm”, then “bdsm”, even these outfits that I found super sexy: “rubber”, “latex” keywords that I retained for my future research.

© Rubbex

What kind of conflicts did you have during your journey of discovering your fetishes and kinks?
I never had a conflict with myself. The conflicts were with people close to me like my father and my boyfriend at the time. We were in a vanilla relationship. From the first months of our meeting I told him that I was attracted to BDSM. But my boyfriend not being interested in this universe, thought that this will cause the loss of our couple, therefore decided to ban any activity that would have a link directly or indirectly with BDSM. In the meantime my order that I placed has arrived, I waited for the delivery man all morning to prevent my parents from seeing the package. It was my muzzle, I went up to my room and closed the door so as not to be disturbed. I tried it on, the smell of leather and the feeling of pressure from the straps that gave me no escape was very exciting. I felt much more beautiful, and above all I finally felt myself. Then a few weeks later my dad stumbled across my BDSM stuff. He had discovered my USB drive with photos and videos. At that moment he knew that I was gay (because he did not know it yet) with an attraction for BDSM. The argument was fierce and we almost got into a fight … He kicked me out in the winter, I had nothing with me only my car, luckily I had my boyfriend, he lived with his mother, she welcomed me. It was not until the next day that I decided to take my things and as you can imagine it did not go well either. My mother did nothing to hold me back.

That’s a very hard experience. To be thrown out out of your house but literally out of your life as it was up to that point. How did it go on after that?
I then continued to live in the small house with my boyfriend and his mother. I helped on a daily basis, to do chores in the house or in the garden to thank them for accommodating me. However, I could not fully live my passion. It was terrible I was not evolving, worse! I regressed. After a while I managed to stabilize myself financially, I decided to buy a latex hood, my boyfriend found out and threw me tons of arguments about the futility of my purchase. But how do I get people to understand the passion for latex when I’m just starting to discover it myself? Afterwards my boyfriend started to make efforts in understanding, he even started to dominate me, “he was forcing himself”. But I don’t wanted him to be forced for me, because a BDSM relationship must be shared and the pleasure should be taken together … Much later we bought an apartment together in order to have more privacy and be independent. My boyfriend still continued to control and restrict my BDSM cravings. After 10 years of relationships, seeing that we will not find common ground, he decided to leave me, and advised me to go see a Master, in order to start living my BDSM life for real.

© Rubbex

Did you go to a Master after you boyfriend left you?
I did. It was a real rebirth. There was a cold atmosphere between us, it lasted a week. During this time my ex decided to take an interest in SM, and saw several submissives, he had a revelation (which I didn’t know at the time). We spoke lightly about our situation and a possible new future together. He first let me think that I could continue to see my 1st Master, while taking possession of me subtly, little by little, and made sure that I only had him in mind. He was no longer the same, in attitude, in appearance (he even shaved his head). I liked him. He wrote a contract that I signed. He got me tattooed. He says he shattered any love he had for me because it kept him from dominating me. As for my parents even if today the tension has gone down again, I will never forget what they did to me, I never really forgave them even if my father wrote me a beautiful letter in which he did not did not apologize.

Can you please describe how your Master/slave relationship has evolved over time?
After signing my slavery contract, which states that I am his slave 24/7. We had a wonderful 1 year Master / Slave relationship. I brought the news to my friends and they took it very well.

My Master has established some rules:

  • Eat all my meals in a bowl
  • As soon as I enter the apartment, I have to wear a leather collar in addition to the collar with a chain and padlock that I never take off
  • Welcome him as a puppy when he comes home from work because he doesn’t want to hug a slave
  • I’m not allowed to sit on the sofa
  • Give him access to all my accounts including my bank account
  • He manages my finances
  • Ask him for permission if I want to spend more than 200 euros
  • I had instructions every day when he left for work
  • He installed spyware on my cell phone
  • He decided on my clothing when we went out
  • He also decided what I should eat
  • Sleep every night in the cage
  • Sleep tied up or spend a day in chains
  • Take care of the cleaning of the apartment
  • Be in chastity

So and after he created that rules, how did your daily life with him go on?
I also offered to install surveillance cameras in the apartment so that he could see my activities on his cell phone at all times. At that time my Master had 15 regular submissives. We also started to play with other people. When I think back, a few months ago, it was unthinkable for him that a third person would play with us! There has been progress. We also went to two fetish parties. At the end of this great year, we started renovating our apartment. We had to agree to put our relationship on hold. At first we just wanted to repaint the walls and redo the floor in certain places. But over the course of the works of the rooms of the apartment and modifications were added, so that we finally completely renovated the apartment. The floor, the walls, the light, the switches, the outlines of the doors and windows, the making of the furniture, the dressing room, the blackening of the beams, the repainting of the doors, the radiators, the kitchen furniture. I also made furniture for SM use. All this took us around 2 years, chopping wood in the living room with machines, it was impossible to wear latex in these conditions, there was dust, wood chips and wood all over the apartment.

© Rubbex

Again I felt a frustration because we no longer had our relationship before, but it was much more bearable because I was busy with the work, and I thank my Master for giving me time to make my creations. He also lost the majority of his submissives, I was no longer alone in frustration, there were two of us, to move forward with a common goal. If it lasted so long, it is also because I only had a few hours to devote to the work because I was also working at night. I had planned the end of the work in early summer 2020 but there was containment, the DIY stores were all closed and the delivery took a long time to arrive. As for the cross of Saint Andrew, it had been waiting in the living room under a tarpaulin full of dust since 2019. I had not been able to play sports for almost 2 years. With the confinement I gained even more weight. I had enough of this situation and of seeing myself in this body which is foreign to me. It was then that I was contacted for this interview, and that I had to refuse because we were at a standstill. In 2021 we finally finished the work, and my Master decided to let me explore my dominating side. But above all it was strictly necessary to find my body. I followed dietary recipes on youtube, and I started to play sports, after about 2 months I lost weight and I started to find myself. I could start looking for submissives and officially announcing my change of slave status to Alpha. My Master and I even dominated side by side several times, and it went well. I continue to show respect to my Master and to sleep in a cage. He took back his most faithful slaves in hand.

© Rubbex

You said you’re now in an dominating role too. But you’re at the same time still your Master’s slave. How can you switch from one role to the other?
This mental gymnastics has never been a real problem for me. When I dominate with my Master we are equal to equal. But I keep the marks of respect towards him. However, I do not forget my journey. I know I still like to be attached, to obey orders, to submit. it allows me to maintain a certain humility. I can sum it up in one word: assume.

Thanks Rubbex for this interview!

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Questions by Michael

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